I don't like this body

This time last year, I was about 8 weeks pregnant with my beautiful baby boy. My body was changing on the inside in ways I could never imagine. But the outside still resembled my petite self at 5'3" and average weight. My belly grew slowly and didn't really pop out until over the half way mark. I was doing well with my weight gain and baby was healthy.

Last November

Then it started to pile on. And what did I eat when I was pregnant you ask? Salad? Sometimes. Veggies? Some. Chocolate, Soda, Potato Chips? Yes, yes, and too much! I had this crazy idea that I was pregnant and was going to enjoy that double cheeseburger at midnight because I could.

But, I couldn't.

It didn't help that at about 6 months along, I stopped working. And I felt so sick, tired, dizzy, etc during my pregnant that I slept a lot. My doctor never said I was gaining too much and I figured if I was, that he would tell me.

I ended up gaining a whopping 45 pounds. Eek! The average is 25-35 and I had hoped to stay in that range. I was careless. And my doctor at 36 weeks said "Oh, you might want to watch your weight." Really? I'm about to pop this little man out and you want me to watch it now?

Now, today I have a baby boy that is 6 days away from being 5 months old and I am not happy with this body. Three weeks after having him, 30 of the pounds dropped right off. But the other 15 lingered and lingered. I now weigh 4 lbs. more than I did 3 weeks post-partum.

About a week and a half ago, I told myself, it's time to get serious about your health. It's not just the weight and the saggy belly. It's the way I feel. My first step was to give up soda and sweet snacks (mostly little debbies). I haven't craved too horribly. I had half a soda one day to quench my craving.

I am semi-following the weight watchers point system to help me learn portion control and the right things to eat. I'm drinking only water except for my cup of coffee in the morning. I'm snacking on yogurt, cheese, fresh fruits & veggies. I honestly already feel better and I haven't even lost anything yet.

My goal is to get 10 lbs below my pre-pregnancy weight, but I most importantly want to be healthy and teach Cooper to eat the right things. It's okay to indulge sometimes, but in moderation and not all the time.

Follow me and encourage me on my journey to get healthy! Next step is finding exercise I enjoy!

Soulful Saturdays: Part Three

My third set of questions from "50 questions that will free your soul".

Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
I'm rather fond of intelligence and I am already a worry wart, so I will go with worried genius. I do not believe ignorance is bliss.

Why are you, you?
First of all, I am me because of genetics. I have many traits from my dad and many traits from my mom. I also have some traits, like my messiness, that is just me. While genes play a part, I believe I am mostly who I am because of my experiences in life. I would be a completely different person if I had made different decisions.

Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? 
Yes, but I have made mistakes and probably been unfriendly at times.

Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
Losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you. Good friends are hard to come by in life. The best friend I have ever had lives almost 1,000 miles away, but she is always there for me. And you can always visit.

What are you most grateful for?
My faith. Without my faith, I don't know how I would have made it through tough times especially when I lost my dad. 

Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
I don't know who wrote these questions, but this is a terrible one. If I lost all my old memories, I would lose those people who aren't with us anymore. On that thought alone, I will say I would rather never be able to make new ones. I really didn't want to choose though.


Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
Of course.

Has your greatest fear ever come true?
Yes, sadly, it has.

Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
No. The thing I remember most about five years ago is meeting my husband.

What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?
Spending a week at the beach every summer with my family. I realize that is several memories, but it is special because it was always such a great time. It was something we looked forward to every year and it's also where I have a lot of my best memories of my dad. 
 
 

Confessional Friday: My perfect day

Today, I'm linking up with Leslie over at A Blonde Ambition for Confessional Friday. Today's topic is how you would spend your perfect day. I went over in my head a few times what I would do before I decided to write it down. So here goes nothing.

I actually don't like to sleep my day away anymore since becoming a mother, so I would probably sleep in about 9:30. I'd have a non-healthy breakfast of maybe a giant chocolate muffin & a Venti White Chocolate Mocha (that someone brought to my door). I'd relax for a bit and watch my baby play.

I would then kiss my hubby & son goodbye and head to the spa. It would be one of those we provide lunch, massage, mani and pedi deals.

Then I would head home, grab my bathingsuit, my son & hubby and head to the beach (which by the way we don't live near in reality). We would swim and sunbathe and take lots of pictures. 

After dropping my son off with grandma, hubby and I would head out to dinner at the best and our favorite restaurant in the world: The Melting Pot. If you haven't been, you need to go. Fondue is amazing. 

I would end the evening by getting my baby ready for bed and cuddling him until he fell asleep. Then a little time with hubby before going to bed ourselves.

Now if only I had some extra money and lived near the beach.

Dear first time mom

Dear first time mom or first time mom-to-be,

I have fallen deeply in love twice in my life. Once was 5 1/2 years ago with my husband. The second time was almost 5 months ago when I gave birth to my beautiful son Cooper.

As a first time mom myself, I realized and am realizing there are things people can tell you, but you will never understand until it happens. Your own mom can tell you how much she loves you, but you will never understand until you have your own child.

I can't tell you that your experience will be exactly the same. I can tell you what mine has been. The first time I heard and saw my son was the most amazing moment of my life. It surpassed, but didn't take away, the moment I found out I was pregnant, the first ultrasound, and the first kick. And holding him, kissing him, wow. I won't go on and on about that because like I said, you won't understand until it happens to you.

My water broke at 7 am, Cooper was born at 9:15 pm and I was awake all night staring at him most of the time. I was on a high. I will never forget our first night together. He slept, I didn't.

The first couple of months of Cooper's life were tough for me. As most of you know, I suffered from Post-Partum depression pretty severely. You also know that newborn babies eat frequently. It seemed like by the time I got to sleep, he was crying in hunger again. It was hard and exhausting. The best advice you will hear a million times truly is "Sleep when baby sleeps". Yes, there is laundry and dishes and the dog needs to be let out. But if you don't rest when you have a newborn, you will go bonkers. Also, cherish those 2 am feedings because it's special time that we don't get back.

This might sound confusing because of what I just said, but I would not go back to those every 2 hour feedings. I do some days miss my 8lb. newborn. But now, I have a kicking, rolling, laughing, cooing almost 5 month old who loves his rice cereal and applesauce. 

Today I was feeling stressed and a little sad about going back to work part-time. So I took my baby boy and his bottle and laid in bed with him. After he ate, he started to drift off to sleep. I stroked his face and his eyes closed and he grinned. He fell asleep in my arms and then I proceeded to fall into a nap myself.

Just a few of the many things I could share...

• Kiss him/her often.
• Hold them while they sleep and close your eyes yourself.
• Keep a journal or blog about your days as a new mother.
• Write your little one letters and put them in his/her baby book to read later.
• Tell him/her you love them often.
•  Show them you love them.
• Take a million pictures. And post as many as you want online.
• Get prints because in this digital age, our computers and phones can lose things.
• Don't feel bad for needing a mommy break. There is something great about a long shower.
• Make time for your partner. Being parents changes everything.
• Do what YOU think is right, YOU are his/her mother.
• Take others advice (especially unsolicited advice) lightly.

 Sincerely,

A new mom just like you

First family beach trip

Tim and I met in February of 2008. That September, we took our first trip together to the Outer Banks of North Carolina. I have always been a beach girl. I lived there as a small child and we vacationed there every year after we moved to the mountains. I had never been to the Outer Banks and I absolutely loved it. It was labor day weekend and still not busy. It was small town and beach. Perfection.

Every year since then, we have traveled to the Outer Banks with our families.

When we found out, our little one would be making his appearance in April, we decided we would take this summer off. We figured a 3-4 month old wouldn't have a great time at the beach. Sometime in June, Tim, my mom and I decided, we just had to go to the beach.

And this little man enjoyed it!

Tim, Cooper, me, my mom, and Tim's mom rented a condo in Kill Devil Hills and spent a relaxing week together. There were clouds and Cooper had his moments (being away from home), but it was fun.

We visited a great thrift store. We spent a windy evening on the beach. We swam. We ate a lot of great food and we celebrated my mother-in-law's birthday..with ice cream cake of course :)

Cooper looked super cute in his wetsuit even though when I let the water splash him, he cried. I would imagine being that small, that tiny wave looked huge.

It was a successful sixth year at OBX for Tim and I. And next year Cooper will further enjoy the beach! This, my friends, is the beginning of a beautiful family tradition.

Soulful Saturdays: Part two

I took a break from reality & technology last week while I went to the beach with my family. So here is my blog post that should have been last Saturdays. My second set of questions. Tomorrow, you can read about our first beach trip with baby Cooper!

You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do? 
I can't imagine respecting people who would speak of a close friend in that way. But, if this did happen, I would ask them to not talk about that person that way. And I would most certainly lose respect for them.

If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
Wow, so much I could say here. I think simply I would say, love God and have faith. The rest takes care of itself.
 
Would you break the law to save a loved one?
Absolutely. 

Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
I don't believe so.

What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
This question could have a million answers. I live life differently. Everyone does. You could probably get a better answer asking my husband.

How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
Because everyone is born with different talents, different likes and dislikes and different personalities. It would be no fun if everyone was the same.

What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?
Travel abroad.  Money.

Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
I'm actually at a place in my life where I have let go of a lot from my past.

If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
I would probably move to North Carolina, near the Outer Banks or in the Outer Banks. I love it there. It's small town and beach. Perfect. It's just too far from my family.

Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
Not usually, because I know that it doesn't make it come faster.

Cooper: 4 months

Much like the monthly or weekly updates I did when I was pregnant, I'm going to start doing monthly updates on Cooper.

4 months old: August 2, 2013

Weight: 13 lbs. 12 oz.

Height: 23 inches long

Size: most clothes 3-6 months

Eating: About 4 oz. of Formula at a time and rice cereal once a day

Sleep: About 6-8 hours at night before waking to eat, then goes back to sleep for a few hours (most nights)

What's going on?: Rolling from his stomach to back, laughing out loud and teething

Traveling to the beach tomorrow for Cooper's first time! Be sure to read about our trip in a week!

Soulful Saturdays: Part one

For the next five Saturdays, I will be answering the 50 questions that will free your soul. I will answer ten each week. You, my readers, can get to know me a little better and I can think about things that I may have never thought of before. These questions can be found on many blogs all over the Internet. Enjoy!

1. How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are? 
This is a bit difficult for me. I'm definitely a kid at heart. I love to have fun and be silly. Although I am mature and responsible when appropriate. I'm 29, for those of you don't know. So my final answer? I'm going to say I would be 21. Old enough to know better, but still young enough to have a lot of fun.

2. Which is worse: failing or never trying? 
Most definitely never trying. I have failed at many things in my life, but if you never try, you may never learn. I have also succeeded at many things because I tried.

3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
I'm no expert on life and I'm just shy of 30 years old. There are certain things in life that we have to do. We have to work for a living. We have to pay bills. We have to get out of bed when we want to pull the blankets over our face. My point is this. We couldn't survive life without doing some things that we just don't like to do.
 
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
No, I truly believe that I've done more than I've just said. I've done many things that were "mistakes" or that I failed at in life. And I plan to continue life in a way that "We regret what we don't do not what we do."

5. What is one thing you'd like most to change about the world? 
In 2013, I look at the world sometimes and see such damage. I also see beauty. I wish everyone could be kind to one another, non-judgmental, caring, and blind to things such as race, sex, gender, sexual orientation, etc.

6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
This is going to sound crazy and cheesy, but something helping those who need others the most - small children/babies and animals. I feel like those groups are often taken advantage of because they are helpless and innocent.

7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
I'm not sure what this question means by what I'm 'doing'. If by doing it means a job, then yes. If it means by the way I'm living, then again yes.

8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
I would say I would do things younger - like marry and have children, but no. I still wouldn't do those things until I was ready. I honestly probably wouldn't waste as much time being lazy. Sad, but true.

9.  To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
After turning 18, I have controlled the direction I wanted to take. It's hard to answer this because I know that God ultimately controls the course. But I made the decision to go to college, to move away from home, the career to take on, a career change, you get the point. 

10.  Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
Simple answer here. I am more worried about doing the right things. 

Always call him daddy

I know it may seem random, but today I'm writing about dads, especially mine. Due to recent events, my dad, who passed away just over three years ago is on my mind more than usual.

When you search for the word dad in the dictionary, it will send you to look at the word father and you find the following: "a male parent; a man who exercises paternal care over other persons." If you attempt to search for the word daddy, you won't find anything. It will tell you the word is slang. But daddy is more than slang. 

From the time I was little until he passed away when I was 25, my father was always "daddy." He will always be daddy. If he lived until I was 80, I would call him daddy. A father is someone who is part of making a child; someone who shares DNA. A daddy is someone who takes you to a small town carnival where the rides break down, rides you around town in the back of his pick-up truck and holds you up in the ocean when the waves are too big.

The dictionary can't define the word "daddy" because it's an emotional word. It is defined by the actions of a man with his children. Jerry St.John was the definition of a daddy.

Me (age 4) & my daddy

A girl's relationship with her daddy changes as she becomes a woman, but to my daddy I was always that little blond haired girl. I truly believe when he looked at me, that's who he saw. I'll never forget the last time he hugged me. He was very weak and I told him to lift his arms and put them around me. He did. I can picture that moment like it was yesterday and it breaks my heart. But more than that, I can remember being silly with him, swimming in the ocean together, singing oldies in the car, and watching Lifetime movies (seriously). My daddy wasn't perfect and I'll be the first to admit it, but why remember him any other way? 

Vacation 2009

Do you know a man who defines the word "daddy"? Cherish him, tell him you love him and always call him daddy.