Goodbye Soulful Saturdays

This will be my final post for Soulful Saturdays. When I started it, I thought it would be interesting and I was looking for things to blog more often. It's a learning experience. Here are the final ten questions. I'm only finishing them because I started.

If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
This is hard and not because I believe in Heaven and that we will all be together again. So I would have to say I would spend my last day with my family and a few special others. Then we would move onto the next life and be together for eternity (personal beliefs here). I would still be very emotional on this day though.

Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
Absolutely not. That is the most ridiculously shallow thing I have ever heard.

What is the difference between being alive and truly living? 
Well, everyone who has been born and is breathing with a heartbeat is alive. Truly living, to me, is having fun, experiencing new things, loving, making mistakes and learning every day. 

When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
It depends on the situation. You have to use your head in some situations and in big decisions in life.

If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
Because mistakes are not always fun. I'm going to be completely honest and say sometimes mistakes are fun at the time, but then you learn. 

What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
I would probably do silly things like go to the store without a bra. Seriously. 

When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
Um, just now because as soon as I read this question I took a deep breath. 

What do you do for love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
I do things I don't want to do. I do things that I don't even notice. I get up at any time if my baby needs me.  I work because my child needs diapers. I text family and friends to check on them. I hug people. I pick up my husband's favorite things at the store when he doesn't ask for them. It's simple things really.

In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that?
I doubt very seriously that I will. I will remember the big moments and the way my son giggled when I blew on his belly. 

Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
Some decisions only affect me and I make them myself. Other decisions affect my family so my husband and I make them together. I think it's important to include loved ones in decision making. 

If you have any ideas on a weekly Saturday post that you would be interested in reading, please let me know.

Healthy choices

Since I really started trying to change how I eat, there are basically trades I make. I wanted to not give tips because I'm no expert, but just tell you a little about what helps me.

My family has always eaten a lot of chicken which is good because it's lean meat. When we do eat red meat it is usually ground beef in things like casseroles, tacos, hamburgers. So one trade we are making is ground turkey instead of ground beef. When we make tacos, I simply brown the ground beef and mix with the seasoning and voila! Turkey tacos. You can use light sour cream or even healthier plain yogurt. I was iffy on the plain yogurt, but it really tastes good.

Secondly, I drink a lot of water. Now that I gave up soda, the only other thing I drink is a cup or two of coffee in the morning. I use light or sugar free creamer too. Giving up soda just makes me feel better and honestly gives me more energy.

I have never been a big fan of wheat bread, but I'm learning to like it more. I am a lover of breads and bread is a carbohydrate and you really shouldn't have much. So when I do, I try to have wheat
bread.

I like potato chips, but I can live without them and for the most part don't crave them. When I do, I eat the baked ones. They are actually really yummy.

My snacks are becoming raw veggies, fruit and yogurt instead of potato chips, chocolate and ice cream. I don't let myself get too hungry. I eat a snack.

Some people say you should completely cut out things like sweets. Like I said I'm no expert but I believe you can have stuff every now and then. There are also better choices if you have a sweet tooth. I have a few recipes for healthier desserts that I enjoy. And once in a while, like a couple of weekends ago, I actually had some peach cobbler with ice cream. GASP! It won't kill you and totally ruin your diet.

I have only lost a pound so far. But I feel better about the choices I make. I don't eat a giant Wendy's hamburger and then feel like a fat disgusting pig. I eat a giant salad with grilled chicken and feel great. And I love salad!

Small changes can make big differences in the way you feel and hopefully eventually the way my body looks. I won't lie and say I'm working out because I'm not. But that is next. Things are harder with a little one who sometimes won't nap, but I'll get it done.

I'm not only doing this for me and my health, but as Cooper gets older I want him to make good food choices. I'm not going to deprive him of birthday cake and ice cream, but I want him to like vegetables and fruit. I want him to eat better than I do.

5 months old!

As of yesterday, I have a 5 month old! It's so hard for me to believe that it's been 5 months since my sweet boy came into this world. It has been the hardest, sweetest, most adventurous, most fun time of my life. He is learning every day and I am blessed to be able to see it. I am blessed to be his mommy.

After our beach trip, which you can read about here, Cooper had his 4 month check up and shots. It went well. Just as his 2 month shots, he briefly cried and I think it was harder on mom and dad than him.

Next month, we're looking forward to celebrating half a year with our little one with his first  professional photo session.

 
5 months old: September 2, 2013

Weight: 15 lbs. 1 oz.

Height: 26 inches

Size: most clothes 3-6 months

Eating: About 4 oz. of Formula at a time, rice cereal and trying all sorts of fruits & veggies

Sleep: About 6-8 hours at night before waking to eat, then goes back to sleep for a few hours (most nights)

 
What's going on?: Trying to sit up on his own, loves to stand up (with help, of course), and as of last week is sleeping in his crib in his own room!

Soulful Saturdays: Number Four

 The fourth set of questions from "50 questions that will free your soul." Next Saturday will be the final post. This week's didn't challenge as much as I would like. When I started answering this questions I thought they might be more interesting.

At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
After I gave birth to my son.

If not now, when?
Probably tomorrow. I'm an awful procrastinator and I hate it. I try not to be, but it doesn't work.

If you haven't achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
I'm not quite sure I understand this question. Some of these are weird this week. I guess if you haven't achieved it, you can fail. But that happens.

Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
Sure.

Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
I will never understand that myself. My God and Christianity teaches love, not hate. I think people have the wrong idea and that's why it causes war. 

Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
No, I don't think so. 

If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
Honestly, I don't know. Money goes quickly and after paying off debts, buying a house and new car, I would have to see what was left. And then decide from there. I would also want to put some in a college fund for my son and donate to charities close to my heart.

Would you rather have less work to do, or more work that you actually enjoy?
Work like a job? Probably more work that I enjoy. I don't know. I'm indecisive today. I also can be lazy.

Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
Not at all.

When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
I absolutely don't know.

Check out tomorrow's post on Cooper at 5 months!

 

I don't like this body

This time last year, I was about 8 weeks pregnant with my beautiful baby boy. My body was changing on the inside in ways I could never imagine. But the outside still resembled my petite self at 5'3" and average weight. My belly grew slowly and didn't really pop out until over the half way mark. I was doing well with my weight gain and baby was healthy.

Last November

Then it started to pile on. And what did I eat when I was pregnant you ask? Salad? Sometimes. Veggies? Some. Chocolate, Soda, Potato Chips? Yes, yes, and too much! I had this crazy idea that I was pregnant and was going to enjoy that double cheeseburger at midnight because I could.

But, I couldn't.

It didn't help that at about 6 months along, I stopped working. And I felt so sick, tired, dizzy, etc during my pregnant that I slept a lot. My doctor never said I was gaining too much and I figured if I was, that he would tell me.

I ended up gaining a whopping 45 pounds. Eek! The average is 25-35 and I had hoped to stay in that range. I was careless. And my doctor at 36 weeks said "Oh, you might want to watch your weight." Really? I'm about to pop this little man out and you want me to watch it now?

Now, today I have a baby boy that is 6 days away from being 5 months old and I am not happy with this body. Three weeks after having him, 30 of the pounds dropped right off. But the other 15 lingered and lingered. I now weigh 4 lbs. more than I did 3 weeks post-partum.

About a week and a half ago, I told myself, it's time to get serious about your health. It's not just the weight and the saggy belly. It's the way I feel. My first step was to give up soda and sweet snacks (mostly little debbies). I haven't craved too horribly. I had half a soda one day to quench my craving.

I am semi-following the weight watchers point system to help me learn portion control and the right things to eat. I'm drinking only water except for my cup of coffee in the morning. I'm snacking on yogurt, cheese, fresh fruits & veggies. I honestly already feel better and I haven't even lost anything yet.

My goal is to get 10 lbs below my pre-pregnancy weight, but I most importantly want to be healthy and teach Cooper to eat the right things. It's okay to indulge sometimes, but in moderation and not all the time.

Follow me and encourage me on my journey to get healthy! Next step is finding exercise I enjoy!

Soulful Saturdays: Part Three

My third set of questions from "50 questions that will free your soul".

Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
I'm rather fond of intelligence and I am already a worry wart, so I will go with worried genius. I do not believe ignorance is bliss.

Why are you, you?
First of all, I am me because of genetics. I have many traits from my dad and many traits from my mom. I also have some traits, like my messiness, that is just me. While genes play a part, I believe I am mostly who I am because of my experiences in life. I would be a completely different person if I had made different decisions.

Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? 
Yes, but I have made mistakes and probably been unfriendly at times.

Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
Losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you. Good friends are hard to come by in life. The best friend I have ever had lives almost 1,000 miles away, but she is always there for me. And you can always visit.

What are you most grateful for?
My faith. Without my faith, I don't know how I would have made it through tough times especially when I lost my dad. 

Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
I don't know who wrote these questions, but this is a terrible one. If I lost all my old memories, I would lose those people who aren't with us anymore. On that thought alone, I will say I would rather never be able to make new ones. I really didn't want to choose though.


Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
Of course.

Has your greatest fear ever come true?
Yes, sadly, it has.

Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
No. The thing I remember most about five years ago is meeting my husband.

What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?
Spending a week at the beach every summer with my family. I realize that is several memories, but it is special because it was always such a great time. It was something we looked forward to every year and it's also where I have a lot of my best memories of my dad. 
 
 

Confessional Friday: My perfect day

Today, I'm linking up with Leslie over at A Blonde Ambition for Confessional Friday. Today's topic is how you would spend your perfect day. I went over in my head a few times what I would do before I decided to write it down. So here goes nothing.

I actually don't like to sleep my day away anymore since becoming a mother, so I would probably sleep in about 9:30. I'd have a non-healthy breakfast of maybe a giant chocolate muffin & a Venti White Chocolate Mocha (that someone brought to my door). I'd relax for a bit and watch my baby play.

I would then kiss my hubby & son goodbye and head to the spa. It would be one of those we provide lunch, massage, mani and pedi deals.

Then I would head home, grab my bathingsuit, my son & hubby and head to the beach (which by the way we don't live near in reality). We would swim and sunbathe and take lots of pictures. 

After dropping my son off with grandma, hubby and I would head out to dinner at the best and our favorite restaurant in the world: The Melting Pot. If you haven't been, you need to go. Fondue is amazing. 

I would end the evening by getting my baby ready for bed and cuddling him until he fell asleep. Then a little time with hubby before going to bed ourselves.

Now if only I had some extra money and lived near the beach.

Dear first time mom

Dear first time mom or first time mom-to-be,

I have fallen deeply in love twice in my life. Once was 5 1/2 years ago with my husband. The second time was almost 5 months ago when I gave birth to my beautiful son Cooper.

As a first time mom myself, I realized and am realizing there are things people can tell you, but you will never understand until it happens. Your own mom can tell you how much she loves you, but you will never understand until you have your own child.

I can't tell you that your experience will be exactly the same. I can tell you what mine has been. The first time I heard and saw my son was the most amazing moment of my life. It surpassed, but didn't take away, the moment I found out I was pregnant, the first ultrasound, and the first kick. And holding him, kissing him, wow. I won't go on and on about that because like I said, you won't understand until it happens to you.

My water broke at 7 am, Cooper was born at 9:15 pm and I was awake all night staring at him most of the time. I was on a high. I will never forget our first night together. He slept, I didn't.

The first couple of months of Cooper's life were tough for me. As most of you know, I suffered from Post-Partum depression pretty severely. You also know that newborn babies eat frequently. It seemed like by the time I got to sleep, he was crying in hunger again. It was hard and exhausting. The best advice you will hear a million times truly is "Sleep when baby sleeps". Yes, there is laundry and dishes and the dog needs to be let out. But if you don't rest when you have a newborn, you will go bonkers. Also, cherish those 2 am feedings because it's special time that we don't get back.

This might sound confusing because of what I just said, but I would not go back to those every 2 hour feedings. I do some days miss my 8lb. newborn. But now, I have a kicking, rolling, laughing, cooing almost 5 month old who loves his rice cereal and applesauce. 

Today I was feeling stressed and a little sad about going back to work part-time. So I took my baby boy and his bottle and laid in bed with him. After he ate, he started to drift off to sleep. I stroked his face and his eyes closed and he grinned. He fell asleep in my arms and then I proceeded to fall into a nap myself.

Just a few of the many things I could share...

• Kiss him/her often.
• Hold them while they sleep and close your eyes yourself.
• Keep a journal or blog about your days as a new mother.
• Write your little one letters and put them in his/her baby book to read later.
• Tell him/her you love them often.
•  Show them you love them.
• Take a million pictures. And post as many as you want online.
• Get prints because in this digital age, our computers and phones can lose things.
• Don't feel bad for needing a mommy break. There is something great about a long shower.
• Make time for your partner. Being parents changes everything.
• Do what YOU think is right, YOU are his/her mother.
• Take others advice (especially unsolicited advice) lightly.

 Sincerely,

A new mom just like you

First family beach trip

Tim and I met in February of 2008. That September, we took our first trip together to the Outer Banks of North Carolina. I have always been a beach girl. I lived there as a small child and we vacationed there every year after we moved to the mountains. I had never been to the Outer Banks and I absolutely loved it. It was labor day weekend and still not busy. It was small town and beach. Perfection.

Every year since then, we have traveled to the Outer Banks with our families.

When we found out, our little one would be making his appearance in April, we decided we would take this summer off. We figured a 3-4 month old wouldn't have a great time at the beach. Sometime in June, Tim, my mom and I decided, we just had to go to the beach.

And this little man enjoyed it!

Tim, Cooper, me, my mom, and Tim's mom rented a condo in Kill Devil Hills and spent a relaxing week together. There were clouds and Cooper had his moments (being away from home), but it was fun.

We visited a great thrift store. We spent a windy evening on the beach. We swam. We ate a lot of great food and we celebrated my mother-in-law's birthday..with ice cream cake of course :)

Cooper looked super cute in his wetsuit even though when I let the water splash him, he cried. I would imagine being that small, that tiny wave looked huge.

It was a successful sixth year at OBX for Tim and I. And next year Cooper will further enjoy the beach! This, my friends, is the beginning of a beautiful family tradition.

Soulful Saturdays: Part two

I took a break from reality & technology last week while I went to the beach with my family. So here is my blog post that should have been last Saturdays. My second set of questions. Tomorrow, you can read about our first beach trip with baby Cooper!

You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do? 
I can't imagine respecting people who would speak of a close friend in that way. But, if this did happen, I would ask them to not talk about that person that way. And I would most certainly lose respect for them.

If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
Wow, so much I could say here. I think simply I would say, love God and have faith. The rest takes care of itself.
 
Would you break the law to save a loved one?
Absolutely. 

Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
I don't believe so.

What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
This question could have a million answers. I live life differently. Everyone does. You could probably get a better answer asking my husband.

How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
Because everyone is born with different talents, different likes and dislikes and different personalities. It would be no fun if everyone was the same.

What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?
Travel abroad.  Money.

Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
I'm actually at a place in my life where I have let go of a lot from my past.

If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
I would probably move to North Carolina, near the Outer Banks or in the Outer Banks. I love it there. It's small town and beach. Perfect. It's just too far from my family.

Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
Not usually, because I know that it doesn't make it come faster.

Cooper: 4 months

Much like the monthly or weekly updates I did when I was pregnant, I'm going to start doing monthly updates on Cooper.

4 months old: August 2, 2013

Weight: 13 lbs. 12 oz.

Height: 23 inches long

Size: most clothes 3-6 months

Eating: About 4 oz. of Formula at a time and rice cereal once a day

Sleep: About 6-8 hours at night before waking to eat, then goes back to sleep for a few hours (most nights)

What's going on?: Rolling from his stomach to back, laughing out loud and teething

Traveling to the beach tomorrow for Cooper's first time! Be sure to read about our trip in a week!

Soulful Saturdays: Part one

For the next five Saturdays, I will be answering the 50 questions that will free your soul. I will answer ten each week. You, my readers, can get to know me a little better and I can think about things that I may have never thought of before. These questions can be found on many blogs all over the Internet. Enjoy!

1. How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are? 
This is a bit difficult for me. I'm definitely a kid at heart. I love to have fun and be silly. Although I am mature and responsible when appropriate. I'm 29, for those of you don't know. So my final answer? I'm going to say I would be 21. Old enough to know better, but still young enough to have a lot of fun.

2. Which is worse: failing or never trying? 
Most definitely never trying. I have failed at many things in my life, but if you never try, you may never learn. I have also succeeded at many things because I tried.

3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
I'm no expert on life and I'm just shy of 30 years old. There are certain things in life that we have to do. We have to work for a living. We have to pay bills. We have to get out of bed when we want to pull the blankets over our face. My point is this. We couldn't survive life without doing some things that we just don't like to do.
 
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
No, I truly believe that I've done more than I've just said. I've done many things that were "mistakes" or that I failed at in life. And I plan to continue life in a way that "We regret what we don't do not what we do."

5. What is one thing you'd like most to change about the world? 
In 2013, I look at the world sometimes and see such damage. I also see beauty. I wish everyone could be kind to one another, non-judgmental, caring, and blind to things such as race, sex, gender, sexual orientation, etc.

6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
This is going to sound crazy and cheesy, but something helping those who need others the most - small children/babies and animals. I feel like those groups are often taken advantage of because they are helpless and innocent.

7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
I'm not sure what this question means by what I'm 'doing'. If by doing it means a job, then yes. If it means by the way I'm living, then again yes.

8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
I would say I would do things younger - like marry and have children, but no. I still wouldn't do those things until I was ready. I honestly probably wouldn't waste as much time being lazy. Sad, but true.

9.  To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
After turning 18, I have controlled the direction I wanted to take. It's hard to answer this because I know that God ultimately controls the course. But I made the decision to go to college, to move away from home, the career to take on, a career change, you get the point. 

10.  Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
Simple answer here. I am more worried about doing the right things. 

Always call him daddy

I know it may seem random, but today I'm writing about dads, especially mine. Due to recent events, my dad, who passed away just over three years ago is on my mind more than usual.

When you search for the word dad in the dictionary, it will send you to look at the word father and you find the following: "a male parent; a man who exercises paternal care over other persons." If you attempt to search for the word daddy, you won't find anything. It will tell you the word is slang. But daddy is more than slang. 

From the time I was little until he passed away when I was 25, my father was always "daddy." He will always be daddy. If he lived until I was 80, I would call him daddy. A father is someone who is part of making a child; someone who shares DNA. A daddy is someone who takes you to a small town carnival where the rides break down, rides you around town in the back of his pick-up truck and holds you up in the ocean when the waves are too big.

The dictionary can't define the word "daddy" because it's an emotional word. It is defined by the actions of a man with his children. Jerry St.John was the definition of a daddy.

Me (age 4) & my daddy

A girl's relationship with her daddy changes as she becomes a woman, but to my daddy I was always that little blond haired girl. I truly believe when he looked at me, that's who he saw. I'll never forget the last time he hugged me. He was very weak and I told him to lift his arms and put them around me. He did. I can picture that moment like it was yesterday and it breaks my heart. But more than that, I can remember being silly with him, swimming in the ocean together, singing oldies in the car, and watching Lifetime movies (seriously). My daddy wasn't perfect and I'll be the first to admit it, but why remember him any other way? 

Vacation 2009

Do you know a man who defines the word "daddy"? Cherish him, tell him you love him and always call him daddy.

I am a SAHM

If you had asked me 10, even 5 years ago if I wanted to be a stay at home mom I would have no said no way. I always wanted to be a mom, but a working mom.

Soon into my pregnancy, I started to think what it would be like to be home with my little one. After talking to my husband, we both decided if it were possible when the time came, I would stay home. I didn't want a stranger taking care of my baby. Not to mention the cost of daycare is outrageous.

So, I'm a stay at home mom to an almost 4 month old (next week). Some of you know what I do because you do it too. Some of you don't. Being a stay at home mom means I spend 98% of my waking time with my son. That 2 percent is the occasional trip to the store alone or long shower. And you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way.

I wake up and go to sleep to this face. Be jealous.

I sleep when he lets me. I eat when he lets me. I often eat with one hand while doing something with him and my food gets cold. I wake up early, sneak a nap with him, wash bottles, do laundry, and talk a lot of baby talk. Sometimes I forget about the poor dog because I'm caught up with Cooper. Luckily, she reminds me when she has to go outside. I usually don't take a shower until my husband gets home from work because then I don't have to worry about baby needing me. Before becoming a mom, I was always a 10 minute shower girl. Now I take my sweet time and enjoy it. When he was first born, I always went to bed exactly when he did. Now after I put him down, I blog, I watch tv, I call my best friend, etc. It's my "me" time.

A stay at home mom's job isn't easy. But it's also the best job I have ever had. It's not for everybody, but it's for me. I would much rather spend my days playing in the floor, making bottles, and rocking my sweet boy than dressing up and going to an office. I prefer my sweats and drool stained t-shirts and he even likes my singing :)

A Q&A Friday

I'm still working on blogging more, updating my page, etc. I figured an easy way to post more is to link up with other bloggers. So today, I'm linking up with a new blog I discovered, "A Blonde Ambition". It's a Q&A for a series she does called "Confessional Friday." Enjoy! And yeah, I'm a day late.

1. My worst fashion offense of all time has to be wearing overalls with one strap unhooked. Although wearing the overalls at all was quite an offense if you ask me. 

2. The most embarrassing song on my iPod is probably I'm honestly not embarrassed by anything on my Ipod. I like such a wide variety but I'm not ashamed.

3. The last white lie I told was  "I'm fine." That's a classic.

4. The celebrity I most wish would disappear is Britney Spears. Why do people still care?

5. Sometimes I wish I was 10 years old again.

6. My childhood crush was J.T.T., as many others said, and most of the Backstreet Boys. I was one of those little girls with the BOP! posters all over my walls.

7. I've never turned down chocolate. If I did, there is something wrong.

8. Driving in bad weather of any kind makes me a nervous wreck.

9. I'd rather watch paint dry than go to the dentist.

10. Much like a train wreck, I can't turn away from watching Teen Mom. It's pure immature drama and I love it.

"I'll pray for you" Will you?

"I'll pray for you."

"I'll keep you in my thoughts & prayers."

These are two statements I hear quite often, read on facebook, in cards and e-mails. There are also words that frequently come out of my mouth.

A couple of years ago, I believe, I realized that it was almost instinct to say those words to someone. If someone I knew was having a hard time or personally asked for prayers, that is what I would say. I'm a christian and I very much believe in the power of prayer. But my question to myself was, was I praying for them? When I asked myself this, I realized sometimes I would tell someone that I would keep them in my prayers, then go about my day and simply forget about the request. I didn't mean to lie. My intent was to pray for them. It just happened sometimes.

At that moment, I decided whenever I said those words, I would immediately stop what I was doing, close my eyes and lift them in prayer. Because if I didn't do it right then, I may forget. I want others to know that I genuinely care and am asking God to be with them.

So, next time someone is going through a hard time and you say those words, make sure that is what you are truly going to do. And I promise to you that if I tell you that I am praying for you, I am doing it right then and there.

MAD about Mondays

As I am trying to broaden my blog horizons, I am going to be linking up with a friend on some weekly posts. The first one is her "Mad about Mondays" series. It is a weekly post that talks about things that make you mad, get under your skin and bother you to your very core.

For my first Mad about Mondays post, I want to tell you about something that has been making me cranky lately. Noise.

Now, I'm not just talking about regular noise. It's not a crying baby in a restaurant or a barking dog at night that's bothering me. Let me tell you about the noise that has been disrupting my life.

I live in a very small town. It's one of those towns that if you blink you miss it. I like it. It's quiet, for the most part. Right across the street from our house, there is a small pizzeria. It's a tiny building that used to be a little convenience store that I walked to when I was younger. I moved away from the area for a while so I have never had the food, but I hear it's good. But mostly what I hear is ridiculously loud live music every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday in my living room. We can also hear this music in our bedroom, in the nursery, my mom's bedroom...I think you get the point.

The music begins between 9 and 10 p.m. and goes on until midnight. I'm not opposed to live music that goes until midnight. Over the last 10 years I have been to plenty of loud concerts, but they were in cities and there were no neighborhoods anywhere nearby. I am, however, opposed to live music that goes until midnight in a small town surrounded by houses and apartments next door. I sit on my couch with my 3 month old and I hear "Woooo"; sounds only made by drunken patrons who are outside. I can hear rim shots and lyrics to songs that I was not aware existed.

My husband has called the police twice to complain of the noise and we received the message "We will send someone out." It went nowhere. So last week I took it upon myself to notify the Board of Supervisors and the Sheriff. The restaurant/bar has been given a warning according to the county noise ordinance. To me this means, next weekend they better be quiet or the sheriff will be hearing from me once again.

So that, my friends and readers, is what makes me mad. Loud, inappropriate noise.

Why I did what I said I wouldn't

If you've read my previous posts or you know me personally, you are aware that when my son was born he spent 5 days in the NICU. The worst 5 days of my life.

I know many people who put their babies and young children in their bed. They put them there for the child's comfort, for convenience when nursing, or just to have them close by. It quickly becomes a habit and then you have a 5 year in bed with you. Before having a child, before becoming pregnant, I walked around saying "I will not put my baby in my bed". "I do not want my child to sleep with me". I was also opposed because as a child, I slept with my mom because I was afraid of the dark.

About 2 weeks into his life, only home a week I would say, Cooper came into the bed with me. When I put him in his bassinet he would cry. For some reason it broke my heart. I would lay with him on the couch or in the living floor. I would do whatever I had to do for him to sleep and be next to me. Within a few weeks, I accepted that I needed my son beside me. So for the past 3 months that is where he has slept. I comfort him. I kiss him. I watch him breathe. I quickly respond to any sound he makes.

Why did I do what I always said I wouldn't?

I've come to the conclusion that it was that week in the NICU that changed my heart. No one can really understand. I wish they could. I know that Cooper was not in a horrible situation, but he was in a place where I had to visit my own son. So when I got him home, I wanted him close.

There are two reasons I wrote this blog this evening. Number one: I needed to get it out. Number two: Never say you won't do something because you may just do it.

Next time: Transitioning to the crib...

Mommy Survey, just for fun

1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED? Yes, very much so

2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME? Yep, 2 1/2 years

3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS?excitement, happiness, shock that it was real

4. WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU? No way.

5. HOW OLD WERE YOU? 28

6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT? I "knew" but I took a test

7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST? My husband

8. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX? definitely

9. DUE DATE? April 10, 2013

10. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS? Yes for at least 14 weeks straight and then more in the 3rd trimester.

11. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE?  everything! But I loved Pepsi

12. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST?lots of things, I was grouchy

13. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD'S SEX? Boy

14. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING?I wanted a girl at first but that went away pretty quickly

15. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY? too much :)

16. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER? yep

17. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW? I knew

18. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY? No just every ache, pain and bad symptom haha

19. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH? Bristol Regional Medical Center

20. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR? 14 from the time my water broke

21. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL? My mom drove, hubby was with us too of course

22. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH? Besides all the nurses & dr. and resident dr., my husband and mom

24. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN?Epidural

25. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH? 7lbs 9 oz

26. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN? April 2, 2013 at 9:15 p.m.

27. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER? Cooper Grant

28. HOW OLD IS YOUR FIRST BORN TODAY? 3 months

How long will it haunt me?

Four letters. NICU. Almost 3 months later, the thoughts and images still haunt me. When I have anxiety, I'm pretty sure it's because of those 5 horrible days.

My sweet Cooper was born on a Tuesday and as you may have read in my previous post, was sent to the NICU on Wednesday night. The really sad part is that nothing was ever truly wrong with him. The doctor told us on Thursday morning that he was almost positive that Cooper had a pseudo seizure because he was brain activity was perfect. It's not that I'm trying to re-live the moment, but it's on my mind and I have to write it down.

Anxiety. Pain. Heartbreak. Guilt.

When a woman becomes a mother, all you want to do is hold your sweet baby. The baby you just carried for approximately 9 or 10 months. You want to kiss him/her. You want to hold them tight. The day after my baby was born, he was taken from me. I had to walk into a somber place where all I could do was stare at him and touch his hand. Now don't get me wrong, there were very sick babies in the NICU. And my heart broke for those parents as well. But seeing your baby like that is not something I would wish on anyone.

Finally after 5 days in the NICU with perfectly good health, they let me take my baby home. Where he belonged. By that point, I was annoyed that they had kept him so long. I know they only wanted to make sure he was okay. I know they had good intentions.

My post partum depression has mostly left me. For that I am thankful. I do however still have some anxiety even with my medications. I guess it's just one of those things you will always remember.

I am letting go of my guilt.

My beautiful boy will be 3 months old next week and we are enjoying every minute. 

Our choices as parents are...our choices

Before becoming a parent, I never truly knew all the decisions you make and the impact they have on your child and on you. While pregnant I learned that such topics as circumcision, pain relief during labor, co-sleeping and bed sharing, pacifiers, even how much you hold your child are all controversial topics. As a mother of a boy, circumcision was a decision we had to make. Pain relief, pacifiers, where our baby sleeps and holding our baby "too" much or spoiling him are decisions we make daily.

As a parent of an almost 3 month old, I, along with my husband, have made many decisions together. My point is that they are our decisions. We are intelligent adults. The choices we make affect us and our child. They do not affect you, you, you, or you.

Now that I am in a position as a mother, I respect choices that others make for their children. I feel that as long as the parents are not putting their child in danger, they should not be given unsolicited advice. I am not saying however that I mind if another mother says, "This worked for us because...how do you do it?" You can discuss ideas with other mothers and not make each other feel wrong.

My 2 month old

My days with a 2 1/2 month old go a little something like this...on a good day. :)

He wakes up about 6:30 or 7, hungry. He eats and I drink my morning coffee. We usually just sit around and he's pretty quiet in the mornings. He will want to eat again within an hour and a half or two hours. After that he usually falls asleep until 11 or 12. Most days I rest during this time too.

He, of course, wakes up and eats again. I try to get some lunch in at some point. If he's not fussy, he will sit in his bouncy seat or his swing. Although, he doesn't like his swing much. He's usually awake for a few hours and eats again. Then he takes another nap.

Daddy and Grandma get home about 3:30. When they get home, I usually take time to do something I couldn't do during the day. I like to take a nice long shower or nap if I didn't earlier.

Cooper will sometimes sleep in the evenings, sometimes not. Now that he is getting older, he's sleeping less during the day. He likes to interact more, cooing, smiling, and laying on his play mat. He loves looking at himself in the mirror. He also likes tummy time.

Most nights he will eat between 9 and 10 and then he will go to sleep and I will too. He's at the point now where we wakes at about 3 to eat and then not until 6:30 or 7. He has has slept all night- a full 8 hours - once.

Since he was born, he's suffered with some colic and tummy issues. They have gotten a lot better. There were a few weeks when he cried for hours in the evening. Gripe water helps A LOT! I highly recommend it.

It's amazing how much he changes day to day and especially week by week. He recently got his 2 month shots, which I think was harder for mommy. He was 10 lbs. 13 oz. :) The dr. said he is growing perfectly and will go back at 4 months for his next check up and shots. My baby is growing up fast. He makes me proud every day and I love him more & more. Being a mother is the best thing I have ever done.

PPD & a first time mom

People will tell you all kinds of things about motherhood. "It's hard, but worth it," they will say. But I have learned that they can say whatever they want, you don't know until you are there in the moment.

After finally getting home with Cooper, my mom was off for about a week to help me out. Also, my mother-in-law visited for a couple of days. It was all so exciting and a happy time. I felt so blessed to have my healthy little boy that I dreamed of for so long. Then it happened.

I think the night after my mother-in-law left, I suddenly felt down. Sad. It felt like a big party had just happened and it suddenly ended. Now it was just me and a new baby. My husband went back to work and so did my mom. A few evenings when we were all home, I would suddenly get sad and want someone else to take Cooper. I would go to a room by myself and cry for no real apparent reason. Other times, Cooper would be upset and in turn, that would make me cry because I felt like I couldn't help him.

One day when Cooper was about 3 weeks old, I had a doctor's appointment to talk about my feelings of depression. Tim was leaving work early to take me. That morning, Cooper had started to cry and I got completely overwhelmed and just started bawling. I called my mom and work to talk to her. I need help, I told her. I can't do this. Tim was suppose to be coming home maybe 2 hours later, but I was far too upset to be alone. I called him and told him to please come home now. That day was when I realized this was not "baby blues". I was suffering from Post-Partum Depression.

I knew with my family history of depression and my own history of anxiety that put me at risk. But since I was already on medication, I thought I could dodge it. Nope. My doctor told me of course my feelings were completely normal and increased my anti-depressant dosage. My 6 week checkup was 2 weeks later and she would see me then. I felt a little better, but still scared of these feelings. I didn't feel like I could be alone with Cooper all day every day having these intense crying spells.

My mom, being the wonderful mother she is, worked it out so that she could switch shifts at work to be with me during the day. She would be there until 2 and then Tim would be home at 3:30. I felt some relief. For about the next week, the feelings of depression felt like they were getting worse. Some days I felt I wasn't good enough for Cooper. Some days I just wanted to hold him and other times I needed my mom or Tim to take over so I could have a few minutes. Along with the depression, my anxiety (which I've suffered from since I was about 15) had flared up some. I would sometimes have panic attacks at random times.

A lot of my feelings stemmed from his birth and having to be in the NICU. I still feel some guilt like it was somehow my fault. I am getting over that though and know that there was nothing I could do. 

Cooper is now 2 months old and I am feeling so much better. My mom just went back to her regular shift last week and I'm doing well alone with him during the day. Of course when he cries because something is wrong, I don't like it, but I'm not getting so upset like before. I think with time, prayer, and just a little more medication, I was able to get through this tough time. I love my sweet boy so much. He is truly a blessing.

My first week as a mom

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My first week as a mom was not what I had expected to say the least. Cooper was born on Tuesday, April 2. We had a pretty typical day at the hospital on Wednesday. I fed him and changed him and he went to the nursery so I could rest some.

I was having trouble sleeping so that night about 10 the nurse gave me a sleeping pill. It worked pretty quickly. At midnight, I woke to one of the resident doctors who helped deliver him saying something was wrong. They believe Cooper had a seizure while in the nursery and he was going to be transported to the NICU 30 minutes away. I was stricken with pain, shock and fright. She said they were going to try to release me so that we could follow him up.

The next several hours are a blur. Tim and I both jumped up and gathered our things while waiting on the nurse. She came in and gave me brief discharge instructions on my healing process. We went to the nursery and kissed him. We left the hospital a few minutes before they left with Cooper. They said we wouldn’t be able to see him for a couple of hours so when we got there, we found a hotel to rest. It was about 2 a.m. at this point. Tim pulled out Cooper’s hat from the hospital and we held it in our hands together and cried. I said a prayer and we fell asleep.

When we woke it was 6 a.m. so I called the hospital to see if we could see him. We could. Nothing could prepare us for what was next. It wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t great. He was lying on a warming bed with wires coming from his little head. The nurse explained that the monitor was recording his brain activity to check for any more seizures. He also had a small tube in his mouth because he had air in his belly.

My heart sank and tears began to stream down my face. I could touch him, but I couldn’t rub him and definitely couldn’t pick him up. My heart broke into a million pieces.

I have to admit, that day is a blur too. I know we saw a doctor at some point. We slept some. We cried more. After waking at 10 that night and eating, I missed him so bad I couldn’t stand it. The great thing about the NICU is you can visit 24/7. So we went to see him before going to sleep again.

The next day, Thursday, the doctor took the wires out of his head and I could hold him. The most painful thing as a new mother is being told you can’t hold your baby. I do not wish this on anyone. He also said that because Cooper had no seizure activity they believed Wednesday night was a pseudo seizure. He acted like he was having a seizure, but nothing happened in his brain. One sigh of relief.  That day we could also feed him. He started on small amounts because his belly was a little upset.

The next couple of days, they took his IV out, checked his jaundice levels and just monitored him. Friday and Saturday night, the hospital gave Tim & I a room to stay free of charge. It was easier being right there in the hospital. My mom drove down every day to be with us and visit him. Looking around at the other babies in the NICU, I felt so blessed that my little one was doing so well. The nurses in the NICU were like angels. I honestly don’t know how anyone does that job. It must be one of the hardest on Earth. Not only were they concerned about our baby, but they were concerned about me healing from childbirth.

Finally on Sunday, after we kept thinking we were going home, Cooper was put in a room with us in a crib. He came to our room around dinnertime. We could take care of him and the nurses would take his vitals a few times and be there if we needed them. Tim and I took turns getting up to feed him and the night went very well. We fully expected to take our little man home the next day.

The next day, Monday, April 8, the doctor came and talked to us and checked Cooper out. He said the magic words. We were going home. Cooper would be a week old the next day. Within the hour, we were loaded up taking Cooper home where he belonged.

I must also mention for those of you who don’t know, April 8 is the day my daddy went to heaven three years ago. It was a very emotional day. Thank God we got to take Cooper home that day.

My first week as a mom was the longest and most tiring ever. I wasn’t up all night feeding and rocking him. I was up all night visiting him in the NICU, crying and praying. I’m thankful that God got us through this and it only brought us closer together.

My birth story

Cooper Grant Baldwin. 4/2/2013. 9:15 p.m.

7 lbs. 9.3 oz. 19.5 inches long.

I kept thinking Cooper would come when I kept having Braxton Hicks contractions for days, but they never got close together. At 7 a.m. on April 2, I woke up and went to the bathroom. Tim was getting ready for work. He would’ve been leaving in about 5 minutes or less. I went back to the bedroom and sat on the bed and boom! My water broke. I first yelled for Tim, but realized he couldn’t hear me. I went out to the kitchen and told him. He was so excited and I was shaking like a leaf. My first phone call was to my mom at work after I figured out what I was doing. She was so anxious but soon on her way. Tim & I got the last things together that we needed for the hospital and once my mom arrived, we headed to the hospital.

When I arrived at the hospital, they checked me and I was 3 cm and about 80% effaced. Contractions hadn’t started yet so I wasn’t in any pain. I got put in a room, hooked up to my IV and the anesthesiologist came to discuss my epidural. Still, no pain yet. About 30 minutes later, boom, I felt the worse pain of my life. I was in tears with contractions so they hurried the epidural up a bit. I honestly had no idea how bad contractions would hurt. The epidural was heaven and I didn’t feel that needle going in at all.

The next several hours went by. I was checked and tried to rest. About 5 p.m., I was almost fully dilated. They decided to let me push once, but Cooper’s heart rate dropped a little. Then they said it would be best if I could labor down since I wasn’t in any pain and just wait until he was a little more ready. 

At 8 p.m., it was time. I felt the urge to push. It was originally going to just be Tim and I in the delivery room. But my mom knocked on the door and we told her to come in. It just seemed right for the three of us to be there as he was born. My contractions were still about 3 minutes apart, but I started pushing. And at 9:15, my beautiful baby boy was born. I cried the happiest tears I have ever cried. He was perfect. 

Bring it on April!

So, after more than 9 long months, tomorrow is finally April! In some ways it seems like I just found out I was pregnant. In other ways it seems like that day at the beach was forever ago. I sure have been through a lot and it's all been worth it.

It's so hard to believe that tomorrow is April 1 and my due date is only 10 days away. I had my last appointment on Friday and I was still 3 cm. I hoped for more progress but at this point that is still good. I go back on Wednesday when I officially hit 39 weeks. No date has been set but if nothing happens first, I'm hoping to be induced on Thursday or Friday. Since I'm making progress and I'm in a lot of pain, the doctors feel it's okay to give him a little push.

Tim & I are so excited to become parents. We've shared our love for one another for so many years now and are ready to share it with our little one. So many people are anticipating Cooper's arrival. He will be here very soon. I already feel like a mommy, but looking into that face will be a whole new thing.

((10 days or less))

Contractions, contractions, contractions

So I had another appointment on Thursday and it went well. I have progressed to 3 cm!! I was pretty excited. I went from fingertip dilated to 3 cm in one week :) I'm still having contractions every day. They seem to be coming every evening for a few hours and then they slowly go away.

Today, Tim & I went for a short walk. I felt a lot of pressure afterwards and have been having contractions this evening. There aren't consistent right now. I'm only 37 1/2 weeks but  if he's ready, I'm ready.

When I left the dr., they said we will see you next week, maybe...It would be nice to have him before next Friday. We will see.

FULL TERM

As of today, my baby boy is considered full term. If I go into labor now he is not premature. I can't believe that I'm so far along. I remember being tiny and curled up in bed with morning sickness and here I am, big and uncomfortable. Cooper's movements are so strong, I can't help but moan. He's a big boy.

Tomorrow is my weekly check-up and they will check my cervix again. I'm hoping for some progress. Last Tuesday I was 50% effaced and fingertip dilated. We will see!

Cravings: gatorade

Baby size: around 6.3 lbs. and 19 inches long

Happy Things: everything is ready!!

Sad things/Worries:  none really

Weight Gain:  You know I'm done here haha

Aches and Pains: Headaches, my back, my legs

Mood: excited

Movement: strong, but less

Maternity clothes? sweatpants & tshirts now

Sleep:  I wake up about every 2 hours..might as well be feeding a baby :)

Weekend with Braxton Hicks

Who is this Braxton Hicks you ask? He is apparently an evil little man who thinks that women "practicing" for labor is fun. It's not.

Up to this point, well yesterday, I hadn't had a contraction. Many of my pregnant friends had mentioned them, but I thought I'd dodged the practice ones. Yesterday I was in the store with my mom when one hit me. I felt kind-of off all day. I had several all day and evening, but when I laid down they would stop.


Again today, I've been hit with a few contractions. They aren't comfortable my friends. I'm glad that my body is getting ready, but I'd rather just go into labor.

Anyway, my hospital bag is packed. The carseat just has to be put in the car. The bassinet is ready to be slept in :)

((24 days until my due date))

The end is near!

Today started out rough. It began as one of those days where none of my clothes felt comfortable. My head already hurt. And I had only had about 5 hours of sleep. Honestly, I wanted to go back to bed. But I didn't.

I spent the morning with my mom and my nephew Luke shopping for the last few things for Cooper. So it seems like we're all set now. I love the way Luke says Cooper. It's the cutest thing. Then I gave in to a craving for taco bell because I never get it. Who cares that it was only 10:30 a.m. It was quite delicious.

My headache only got worse but I was able to take a nap after lunch. I had a doctor's appointment at 3:15 and it was my first cervical check because tomorrow I will be 36 weeks! Heck yeah! I was pretty grouchy when I got there, but the doctor made me feel better. It was my first time seeing this doctor and he was really nice. I told him I was doing okay but could barely function with my migraines lately. He said the sweetest thing.  "We like to go to 39 weeks, but we can definitely induce you then". This may be dramatic, but I heard an angel. He checked me and it turns out I'm also 50% effaced which is pretty good. I'm only fingertip dilated at this point.

So, the end is near. No date yet, but in about 3 weeks I will have my sweet boy in my arms. That is unless he decides to join us sooner. This mama is tired.

Heart-wrenching story

I know my blog's purpose is to document my pregnancy, but I just read a story that I wanted to share with others. This story is heartwrenching for me. As a pregnant woman and someone who is against abortion, it really pulled at my heart. I just thought as I read it, what if I were that surrogate? What would I do? This lady was backed against a wall to do what she felt was right. True, the child was not biologically hers. She was only the vessel for it to grow. I just cannot imagine.

I can't honestly say how I would have handled her situation because I am not in it. But as I feel my little man squirm around in my belly tonight, I feel blessed in many ways. 

Count your blessings friends.

40 days to go?!?

As of yesterday, I have been cooking this little one for 34 weeks! There are now only 40 days until my "due date". I put that in quotes because obviously it's just a roundabout time for him to make his appearance. I will be considered full term in 3 short weeks.

I had my two week appointment yesterday and all was well. I'm measuring right on - not behind and not ahead. His little heart is beating away strongly as always. I feel incredibly blessed. My next appointment is at 36 weeks and from then weekly until he comes into this world.

Everyone says that first time moms tend to go into labor late, but I've also heard from many moms who went early or on their due date. I just think everyone is different. Some people have severely strong opinions though. Cooper will come when my body and his is good and ready.

The nursery is all finished. We got it done just in time for some photos. Jessica did a great job. The majority of our photos were shot outside at Emory & Henry college because the weather turned out to be great. And then we got some in the nursery. We got to see two photos, but will have to wait on the others. I can't wait to see them all.

Here comes March!
((40 days until due date))

My wonderful baby shower/33 weeks

Just like the rest of time has flown, my shower has come and gone. Thanks to my sister-in-law, aunt, and best friend, it was wonderful. The decorations were beautiful, the food was delicious and the company was fun. I couldn't have asked for more.

I have to thank all my guests too. I know that some of my close loved ones worked hard to get off work to share the day with me. We were also truly blessed with a lot of gifts for Cooper. I've been working the past 3 days to put things away in the nursery. We have a lot of diapers, wipes and other essentials to start. He also got a lot of other cute things.

I have to mention how great it was to spend 2 days with my best friend who lives almost 1000 miles away. You really can't get a better friend than that. I got to spend time with her, her daughter & husband on Friday. Then had dinner with her and my sister-in-law that night. Of course, when she had to leave on Saturday evening, tears were shed. With babies & money, we never know how long it will be until next time.

_____________________________________________

Today, I hit 33 weeks. In 4 weeks, I'm considered full term and in 7, the big 4-0. Wow. It truly feels like I just got that big positive. Barring he is fully developed, Cooper is welcome to come in 4 weeks. Here that little one?

I'm in the out-of-breath, tired, hurting stage and not quite nesting. But because we are having some maternity pictures taken in the nursery this weekend, I have been working on it this week.

Here's my bumpdate: 33 weeks

Cravings: same

Baby size: around 4 lbs. 4 oz., 17 inches

Happy Things: getting the nursery ready

Sad things/Worries:  not really worried

Weight Gain:  This is where I stop with this question :)

Aches and Pains: Headaches, my back, my hips

Mood: eh up and down

Movement: lots & lots. It's getting different though.

Maternity clothes? yep although I prefer sweat pants!

Sleep:  It takes a while to fall asleep, I sleep few hours before I'm up again

((49 days until due date))

My big boy

I had my final ultrasound today at 32 weeks to measure baby Cooper. With all the measurements, they are estimating he is about 4 lbs. 4 oz. :) He's a good size, with 8 weeks left to grow. The tech was trying to measure his head and he wouldn't turn a good way. So, she used this buzzer sound and wow, he moved. He was like, what the heck, mom? haha. That let us see his little face for a minute or so. My favorite part though was when he put his hand up. Five perfect little fingers. I can't wait to kiss each little one.

I'm getting really excited about this weekend. Tomorrow I'm getting my hair done so it looks decent. Holli will be here Friday afternoon! yay! My shower is going to be great, I just know it.

Well, the pain in my back is growing steadily so I shall leave my laptop for now.

Oww my back

 Here we are at 31 weeks pregnant. I'm getting so excited to hold my sweet little boy. Things are getting put up in the nursery and the shower is only a week and a half away. We now have the dresser, changing table, stroller & car seat :) And a glider rocker is on the way!

The aches & pains of pregnancy are getting harder. It's harder to bend over, to shave my legs, to breathe haha (but seriously). Sleep is becoming something I do when I can because it's so broken up, I'm usually tired. I'm very thankful that I don't have to work right now because it's all I can do to do things at home.

Because they didn't think when scheduling, next week I get to have another ultrasound to measure how big little Cooper is right now.

In 6 short weeks, I'll be considered full term. Wow.

WEEK 31

Cravings: The only things that remain are pepsi & orange juice.

Baby size: Around 3 lbs. and 16 inches long

Happy Things: getting ready for the shower

Sad things/Worries:  hmmm?

Weight Gain:  This is where I stop with this question :)

Aches and Pains: Headaches, my back, my hips

Mood: eh up and down

Movement: lots & lots. This boy rarely sleeps. I love it.

Maternity clothes? yep although I prefer sweat pants!

Sleep:  It takes a while to fall asleep, I sleep few hours before I'm up again

((62 days until my due date))

He has fat!

We had another great OB appointment yesterday. First, we had an ultrasound and it is truly amazing how much Cooper has grown and developed since the anatomy scan. He doesn't look as much like a skeleton and has little fat on his face :) Of course, I already know he's gorgeous! The purpose of the extra ultrasound was to check my placenta. It was low lying at 20 weeks. It's perfect now! Great news, Praise God! Also, little man is head down and as I suspected had a little foot in my rib. He was also facing my back so he only showed us his face once.

The doctor measured my belly and I'm right on spot for 30 weeks. I'm not having any serious issues, just regular aches & pains with getting bigger and my migraines.

My baby shower is in 2 1/2 weeks. I'm really excited about celebrating Cooper as well as seeing my best friend who is driving all the way from Kansas City to co-host. She truly is the best. Honestly, I've been a little emotional about people coming though. I'm super moody but I feel like if my best friend can drive 900 miles, family can get off work. Maybe I'm wrong and maybe I'm just being a pregnant uhhh...not nice word haha. But, that's how I feel.

I'd also like to mention my wonderful group of pregnant friends. In the beginning I was on a baby web site and a small group of us have formed on facebook. We've gotten close and it's amazing to have 20 other pregnant women to complain to, rejoice with, and support.

I'm truly blessed. Tim & I are very excited.

Cooper Grant's sweet little face & I do believe chubby cheeks :)

My little boy

I'm super excited because tomorrow is my doctor's appointment and we also get to have another ultrasound! It's been 10 weeks since we saw him. I can't wait to see how much bigger he is and how developed he has become. They are checking on some things, but I'm not concerned. He has been so active. I just hope he doesn't get shy when on camera :)

Only 3 weeks until my shower! Eek! And 4 weeks until we are having maternity photos.

Here's another survey for fun!

Your name? Aimee

Fathers name? Tim

Are you still with him? We've been married for almost 3 years

When did you find out? August 2, 2012

Where did you find out? At our condo when we were on vacation with the family :) 

How far along were you? 4 weeks

What was your reaction? tears of happiness

Who was the first person you told? well Tim of course

How did you tell the father? I showed him the test

When is your due date? April 10, 2013

Did you have any morning sickness? Oh yes, from about week 6 to 14

What are you most happy about? Becoming a mommy

 

Do you know what your having? Boy

 

Do you have a name picked out? Cooper Grant

Have you felt the baby move? Oh yes, he's a little ninja

Are you scared about labor? Not much at the moment

Do you think you will cry when you see the baby for the first time? I know I will.

What do you think the fathers reaction to the baby will be? Probably tears.

How do you think family and friends will feel? Very happy. They are excited.

 

((71 days until Cooper's due date))

He keeps growing & growing...

I say, think and write this a lot, but I can't believe how far I've come! When I think about my weeks and weeks of morning sickness, it seems like a million years ago.  I never imagined how 29 weeks would feel. One week and we get to see Cooper again :) In 8 weeks I will be full term!! Wow.

Soon we will be getting the rest of the furniture for the nursery. Once we get the changing table, dresser and rocking chair set up, I plan to put up the winnie the pooh decals on the wall. I want to make sure everything is beautiful for our maternity photos which are in only 5 weeks. The shower is now less than a month away.

29 week update

Cravings: everything! It's really different every day.

Baby size: About 2 1/2 lbs, 15 inches long

Happy Things: getting closer to April

Sad things/Worries: I'm doing pretty good in this department

Weight Gain:  20 lbs.

Aches and Pains: Headaches are killer, hips

Mood: moody is the only way to put it

Movement: lots & lots. This boy rarely sleeps. I love it.

Maternity clothes? yep although I prefer sweat pants!

Sleep:  It takes a while to fall asleep, I wake up a lot

((77 days until our due date))

28 week update

28 weeks: 7 months
12 weeks to go!

Cravings: everything! Pepsi & ice cream lately

Baby size: A little over 2 lbs., about 14 1/2 inches long

Happy Things: passing my glucose test

Sad things/Worries: I'm doing pretty good in this department

Weight Gain:  20 lbs. wowza.

Aches and Pains: Headaches are killer, hips, sciatica

Mood: frustrated with pain, but excited

Movement: kicking, bouncing, hiccups, craziness!

Maternity clothes? yep

Sleep:  it's getting worse

Dear Cooper

Dear Cooper,

It's late at night and I'm sitting here feeling you and watching my stomach move. Every move you make amazes me. I remember not long ago when they were just little kicks below my belly button. Now you're all over the place wiggling, kicking and getting the hiccups. Daddy & Grandma always try to feel you, but you seem to stop when they touch my stomach. Daddy has been able to catch you a couple of times. It made him pretty happy.

As I get bigger, I just imagine how big you're getting inside me. I just know you're growing big and strong to come into the world. God is giving you everything you need to live outside of my body.

I've wanted you for so long and as soon as we found out about you, I loved you instantly. My love grows stronger every day. And when I see your beautiful face, I can't imagine.

In 12 short weeks, you will be in our arms. As your mom, you should know I'm going to smother you with hugs and kisses. And I'm positive that your daddy, along with Grandma, Grammy and lots of others will too. You are one loved little boy already. You should also know that your grandpa in heaven loves you too. He may only know you in spirit, but would want nothing more than to be here to hold you sweet boy.

Until it's time I will keep you safe,
Your mom

Only 14 weeks left!

This week, we welcomed 2013, I hit 26 weeks and I'm registering for the baby shower :) Every time I hit a new week, I think man, it seems like I was just "blah, blah" weeks. This week it seems like I just hit 6 months and now BOOM it's 2 weeks later. Even though my pregnancy hasn't really been my favorite thing in the world, it's still flying. There's only 2 weeks until the 3rd trimester and a lot of people say that is the slowest part. I suddenly feel this urge to get everything ready, but I realize most things won't get done until after the shower. Luckily, that's only 6 weeks away. WOW!

The best thing is that my best friend is traveling all the way from Kansas City to be here for the shower. She really is the best friend I have ever had.

Tim & I brought in the new year with monopoly, some snacks & delicious sparkling grape juice. It was nice.

I'm trying really hard not to focus on my aches and pains, but sometimes it's hard. My head is killing me and it never stops. Which, if you know me, is normal life. Also, I've been having some pain that I think is sciatic nerve pain. Next Friday is my next appointment and my glucose test.

26 week update:
 
Cravings: Pepsi, orange juice

Baby size: About 14 inches and a pound and a half.

Happy Things:  seeing my belly move & Tim feeling him

Sad things/Worries: not too much at the moment

Weight Gain:  actually haven't weighed myself

Aches and Pains: Headaches, possible sciatic nerve pain

Mood: pretty happy most of the time, excited!

Movement: he's all over the place, it's getting stronger

Maternity clothes? yep

Sleep:  Sometimes it's easy and sometimes it's not