Goodbye Soulful Saturdays

This will be my final post for Soulful Saturdays. When I started it, I thought it would be interesting and I was looking for things to blog more often. It's a learning experience. Here are the final ten questions. I'm only finishing them because I started.

If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
This is hard and not because I believe in Heaven and that we will all be together again. So I would have to say I would spend my last day with my family and a few special others. Then we would move onto the next life and be together for eternity (personal beliefs here). I would still be very emotional on this day though.

Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
Absolutely not. That is the most ridiculously shallow thing I have ever heard.

What is the difference between being alive and truly living? 
Well, everyone who has been born and is breathing with a heartbeat is alive. Truly living, to me, is having fun, experiencing new things, loving, making mistakes and learning every day. 

When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
It depends on the situation. You have to use your head in some situations and in big decisions in life.

If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
Because mistakes are not always fun. I'm going to be completely honest and say sometimes mistakes are fun at the time, but then you learn. 

What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
I would probably do silly things like go to the store without a bra. Seriously. 

When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
Um, just now because as soon as I read this question I took a deep breath. 

What do you do for love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
I do things I don't want to do. I do things that I don't even notice. I get up at any time if my baby needs me.  I work because my child needs diapers. I text family and friends to check on them. I hug people. I pick up my husband's favorite things at the store when he doesn't ask for them. It's simple things really.

In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that?
I doubt very seriously that I will. I will remember the big moments and the way my son giggled when I blew on his belly. 

Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
Some decisions only affect me and I make them myself. Other decisions affect my family so my husband and I make them together. I think it's important to include loved ones in decision making. 

If you have any ideas on a weekly Saturday post that you would be interested in reading, please let me know.

Healthy choices

Since I really started trying to change how I eat, there are basically trades I make. I wanted to not give tips because I'm no expert, but just tell you a little about what helps me.

My family has always eaten a lot of chicken which is good because it's lean meat. When we do eat red meat it is usually ground beef in things like casseroles, tacos, hamburgers. So one trade we are making is ground turkey instead of ground beef. When we make tacos, I simply brown the ground beef and mix with the seasoning and voila! Turkey tacos. You can use light sour cream or even healthier plain yogurt. I was iffy on the plain yogurt, but it really tastes good.

Secondly, I drink a lot of water. Now that I gave up soda, the only other thing I drink is a cup or two of coffee in the morning. I use light or sugar free creamer too. Giving up soda just makes me feel better and honestly gives me more energy.

I have never been a big fan of wheat bread, but I'm learning to like it more. I am a lover of breads and bread is a carbohydrate and you really shouldn't have much. So when I do, I try to have wheat
bread.

I like potato chips, but I can live without them and for the most part don't crave them. When I do, I eat the baked ones. They are actually really yummy.

My snacks are becoming raw veggies, fruit and yogurt instead of potato chips, chocolate and ice cream. I don't let myself get too hungry. I eat a snack.

Some people say you should completely cut out things like sweets. Like I said I'm no expert but I believe you can have stuff every now and then. There are also better choices if you have a sweet tooth. I have a few recipes for healthier desserts that I enjoy. And once in a while, like a couple of weekends ago, I actually had some peach cobbler with ice cream. GASP! It won't kill you and totally ruin your diet.

I have only lost a pound so far. But I feel better about the choices I make. I don't eat a giant Wendy's hamburger and then feel like a fat disgusting pig. I eat a giant salad with grilled chicken and feel great. And I love salad!

Small changes can make big differences in the way you feel and hopefully eventually the way my body looks. I won't lie and say I'm working out because I'm not. But that is next. Things are harder with a little one who sometimes won't nap, but I'll get it done.

I'm not only doing this for me and my health, but as Cooper gets older I want him to make good food choices. I'm not going to deprive him of birthday cake and ice cream, but I want him to like vegetables and fruit. I want him to eat better than I do.

5 months old!

As of yesterday, I have a 5 month old! It's so hard for me to believe that it's been 5 months since my sweet boy came into this world. It has been the hardest, sweetest, most adventurous, most fun time of my life. He is learning every day and I am blessed to be able to see it. I am blessed to be his mommy.

After our beach trip, which you can read about here, Cooper had his 4 month check up and shots. It went well. Just as his 2 month shots, he briefly cried and I think it was harder on mom and dad than him.

Next month, we're looking forward to celebrating half a year with our little one with his first  professional photo session.

 
5 months old: September 2, 2013

Weight: 15 lbs. 1 oz.

Height: 26 inches

Size: most clothes 3-6 months

Eating: About 4 oz. of Formula at a time, rice cereal and trying all sorts of fruits & veggies

Sleep: About 6-8 hours at night before waking to eat, then goes back to sleep for a few hours (most nights)

 
What's going on?: Trying to sit up on his own, loves to stand up (with help, of course), and as of last week is sleeping in his crib in his own room!

Soulful Saturdays: Number Four

 The fourth set of questions from "50 questions that will free your soul." Next Saturday will be the final post. This week's didn't challenge as much as I would like. When I started answering this questions I thought they might be more interesting.

At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
After I gave birth to my son.

If not now, when?
Probably tomorrow. I'm an awful procrastinator and I hate it. I try not to be, but it doesn't work.

If you haven't achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
I'm not quite sure I understand this question. Some of these are weird this week. I guess if you haven't achieved it, you can fail. But that happens.

Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
Sure.

Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
I will never understand that myself. My God and Christianity teaches love, not hate. I think people have the wrong idea and that's why it causes war. 

Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
No, I don't think so. 

If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
Honestly, I don't know. Money goes quickly and after paying off debts, buying a house and new car, I would have to see what was left. And then decide from there. I would also want to put some in a college fund for my son and donate to charities close to my heart.

Would you rather have less work to do, or more work that you actually enjoy?
Work like a job? Probably more work that I enjoy. I don't know. I'm indecisive today. I also can be lazy.

Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
Not at all.

When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
I absolutely don't know.

Check out tomorrow's post on Cooper at 5 months!

 

I don't like this body

This time last year, I was about 8 weeks pregnant with my beautiful baby boy. My body was changing on the inside in ways I could never imagine. But the outside still resembled my petite self at 5'3" and average weight. My belly grew slowly and didn't really pop out until over the half way mark. I was doing well with my weight gain and baby was healthy.

Last November

Then it started to pile on. And what did I eat when I was pregnant you ask? Salad? Sometimes. Veggies? Some. Chocolate, Soda, Potato Chips? Yes, yes, and too much! I had this crazy idea that I was pregnant and was going to enjoy that double cheeseburger at midnight because I could.

But, I couldn't.

It didn't help that at about 6 months along, I stopped working. And I felt so sick, tired, dizzy, etc during my pregnant that I slept a lot. My doctor never said I was gaining too much and I figured if I was, that he would tell me.

I ended up gaining a whopping 45 pounds. Eek! The average is 25-35 and I had hoped to stay in that range. I was careless. And my doctor at 36 weeks said "Oh, you might want to watch your weight." Really? I'm about to pop this little man out and you want me to watch it now?

Now, today I have a baby boy that is 6 days away from being 5 months old and I am not happy with this body. Three weeks after having him, 30 of the pounds dropped right off. But the other 15 lingered and lingered. I now weigh 4 lbs. more than I did 3 weeks post-partum.

About a week and a half ago, I told myself, it's time to get serious about your health. It's not just the weight and the saggy belly. It's the way I feel. My first step was to give up soda and sweet snacks (mostly little debbies). I haven't craved too horribly. I had half a soda one day to quench my craving.

I am semi-following the weight watchers point system to help me learn portion control and the right things to eat. I'm drinking only water except for my cup of coffee in the morning. I'm snacking on yogurt, cheese, fresh fruits & veggies. I honestly already feel better and I haven't even lost anything yet.

My goal is to get 10 lbs below my pre-pregnancy weight, but I most importantly want to be healthy and teach Cooper to eat the right things. It's okay to indulge sometimes, but in moderation and not all the time.

Follow me and encourage me on my journey to get healthy! Next step is finding exercise I enjoy!

Soulful Saturdays: Part Three

My third set of questions from "50 questions that will free your soul".

Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
I'm rather fond of intelligence and I am already a worry wart, so I will go with worried genius. I do not believe ignorance is bliss.

Why are you, you?
First of all, I am me because of genetics. I have many traits from my dad and many traits from my mom. I also have some traits, like my messiness, that is just me. While genes play a part, I believe I am mostly who I am because of my experiences in life. I would be a completely different person if I had made different decisions.

Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? 
Yes, but I have made mistakes and probably been unfriendly at times.

Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
Losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you. Good friends are hard to come by in life. The best friend I have ever had lives almost 1,000 miles away, but she is always there for me. And you can always visit.

What are you most grateful for?
My faith. Without my faith, I don't know how I would have made it through tough times especially when I lost my dad. 

Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
I don't know who wrote these questions, but this is a terrible one. If I lost all my old memories, I would lose those people who aren't with us anymore. On that thought alone, I will say I would rather never be able to make new ones. I really didn't want to choose though.


Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
Of course.

Has your greatest fear ever come true?
Yes, sadly, it has.

Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
No. The thing I remember most about five years ago is meeting my husband.

What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?
Spending a week at the beach every summer with my family. I realize that is several memories, but it is special because it was always such a great time. It was something we looked forward to every year and it's also where I have a lot of my best memories of my dad. 
 
 

Confessional Friday: My perfect day

Today, I'm linking up with Leslie over at A Blonde Ambition for Confessional Friday. Today's topic is how you would spend your perfect day. I went over in my head a few times what I would do before I decided to write it down. So here goes nothing.

I actually don't like to sleep my day away anymore since becoming a mother, so I would probably sleep in about 9:30. I'd have a non-healthy breakfast of maybe a giant chocolate muffin & a Venti White Chocolate Mocha (that someone brought to my door). I'd relax for a bit and watch my baby play.

I would then kiss my hubby & son goodbye and head to the spa. It would be one of those we provide lunch, massage, mani and pedi deals.

Then I would head home, grab my bathingsuit, my son & hubby and head to the beach (which by the way we don't live near in reality). We would swim and sunbathe and take lots of pictures. 

After dropping my son off with grandma, hubby and I would head out to dinner at the best and our favorite restaurant in the world: The Melting Pot. If you haven't been, you need to go. Fondue is amazing. 

I would end the evening by getting my baby ready for bed and cuddling him until he fell asleep. Then a little time with hubby before going to bed ourselves.

Now if only I had some extra money and lived near the beach.

Dear first time mom

Dear first time mom or first time mom-to-be,

I have fallen deeply in love twice in my life. Once was 5 1/2 years ago with my husband. The second time was almost 5 months ago when I gave birth to my beautiful son Cooper.

As a first time mom myself, I realized and am realizing there are things people can tell you, but you will never understand until it happens. Your own mom can tell you how much she loves you, but you will never understand until you have your own child.

I can't tell you that your experience will be exactly the same. I can tell you what mine has been. The first time I heard and saw my son was the most amazing moment of my life. It surpassed, but didn't take away, the moment I found out I was pregnant, the first ultrasound, and the first kick. And holding him, kissing him, wow. I won't go on and on about that because like I said, you won't understand until it happens to you.

My water broke at 7 am, Cooper was born at 9:15 pm and I was awake all night staring at him most of the time. I was on a high. I will never forget our first night together. He slept, I didn't.

The first couple of months of Cooper's life were tough for me. As most of you know, I suffered from Post-Partum depression pretty severely. You also know that newborn babies eat frequently. It seemed like by the time I got to sleep, he was crying in hunger again. It was hard and exhausting. The best advice you will hear a million times truly is "Sleep when baby sleeps". Yes, there is laundry and dishes and the dog needs to be let out. But if you don't rest when you have a newborn, you will go bonkers. Also, cherish those 2 am feedings because it's special time that we don't get back.

This might sound confusing because of what I just said, but I would not go back to those every 2 hour feedings. I do some days miss my 8lb. newborn. But now, I have a kicking, rolling, laughing, cooing almost 5 month old who loves his rice cereal and applesauce. 

Today I was feeling stressed and a little sad about going back to work part-time. So I took my baby boy and his bottle and laid in bed with him. After he ate, he started to drift off to sleep. I stroked his face and his eyes closed and he grinned. He fell asleep in my arms and then I proceeded to fall into a nap myself.

Just a few of the many things I could share...

• Kiss him/her often.
• Hold them while they sleep and close your eyes yourself.
• Keep a journal or blog about your days as a new mother.
• Write your little one letters and put them in his/her baby book to read later.
• Tell him/her you love them often.
•  Show them you love them.
• Take a million pictures. And post as many as you want online.
• Get prints because in this digital age, our computers and phones can lose things.
• Don't feel bad for needing a mommy break. There is something great about a long shower.
• Make time for your partner. Being parents changes everything.
• Do what YOU think is right, YOU are his/her mother.
• Take others advice (especially unsolicited advice) lightly.

 Sincerely,

A new mom just like you

First family beach trip

Tim and I met in February of 2008. That September, we took our first trip together to the Outer Banks of North Carolina. I have always been a beach girl. I lived there as a small child and we vacationed there every year after we moved to the mountains. I had never been to the Outer Banks and I absolutely loved it. It was labor day weekend and still not busy. It was small town and beach. Perfection.

Every year since then, we have traveled to the Outer Banks with our families.

When we found out, our little one would be making his appearance in April, we decided we would take this summer off. We figured a 3-4 month old wouldn't have a great time at the beach. Sometime in June, Tim, my mom and I decided, we just had to go to the beach.

And this little man enjoyed it!

Tim, Cooper, me, my mom, and Tim's mom rented a condo in Kill Devil Hills and spent a relaxing week together. There were clouds and Cooper had his moments (being away from home), but it was fun.

We visited a great thrift store. We spent a windy evening on the beach. We swam. We ate a lot of great food and we celebrated my mother-in-law's birthday..with ice cream cake of course :)

Cooper looked super cute in his wetsuit even though when I let the water splash him, he cried. I would imagine being that small, that tiny wave looked huge.

It was a successful sixth year at OBX for Tim and I. And next year Cooper will further enjoy the beach! This, my friends, is the beginning of a beautiful family tradition.

Soulful Saturdays: Part two

I took a break from reality & technology last week while I went to the beach with my family. So here is my blog post that should have been last Saturdays. My second set of questions. Tomorrow, you can read about our first beach trip with baby Cooper!

You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do? 
I can't imagine respecting people who would speak of a close friend in that way. But, if this did happen, I would ask them to not talk about that person that way. And I would most certainly lose respect for them.

If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
Wow, so much I could say here. I think simply I would say, love God and have faith. The rest takes care of itself.
 
Would you break the law to save a loved one?
Absolutely. 

Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
I don't believe so.

What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
This question could have a million answers. I live life differently. Everyone does. You could probably get a better answer asking my husband.

How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
Because everyone is born with different talents, different likes and dislikes and different personalities. It would be no fun if everyone was the same.

What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?
Travel abroad.  Money.

Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
I'm actually at a place in my life where I have let go of a lot from my past.

If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
I would probably move to North Carolina, near the Outer Banks or in the Outer Banks. I love it there. It's small town and beach. Perfect. It's just too far from my family.

Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
Not usually, because I know that it doesn't make it come faster.

Cooper: 4 months

Much like the monthly or weekly updates I did when I was pregnant, I'm going to start doing monthly updates on Cooper.

4 months old: August 2, 2013

Weight: 13 lbs. 12 oz.

Height: 23 inches long

Size: most clothes 3-6 months

Eating: About 4 oz. of Formula at a time and rice cereal once a day

Sleep: About 6-8 hours at night before waking to eat, then goes back to sleep for a few hours (most nights)

What's going on?: Rolling from his stomach to back, laughing out loud and teething

Traveling to the beach tomorrow for Cooper's first time! Be sure to read about our trip in a week!

Soulful Saturdays: Part one

For the next five Saturdays, I will be answering the 50 questions that will free your soul. I will answer ten each week. You, my readers, can get to know me a little better and I can think about things that I may have never thought of before. These questions can be found on many blogs all over the Internet. Enjoy!

1. How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are? 
This is a bit difficult for me. I'm definitely a kid at heart. I love to have fun and be silly. Although I am mature and responsible when appropriate. I'm 29, for those of you don't know. So my final answer? I'm going to say I would be 21. Old enough to know better, but still young enough to have a lot of fun.

2. Which is worse: failing or never trying? 
Most definitely never trying. I have failed at many things in my life, but if you never try, you may never learn. I have also succeeded at many things because I tried.

3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
I'm no expert on life and I'm just shy of 30 years old. There are certain things in life that we have to do. We have to work for a living. We have to pay bills. We have to get out of bed when we want to pull the blankets over our face. My point is this. We couldn't survive life without doing some things that we just don't like to do.
 
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
No, I truly believe that I've done more than I've just said. I've done many things that were "mistakes" or that I failed at in life. And I plan to continue life in a way that "We regret what we don't do not what we do."

5. What is one thing you'd like most to change about the world? 
In 2013, I look at the world sometimes and see such damage. I also see beauty. I wish everyone could be kind to one another, non-judgmental, caring, and blind to things such as race, sex, gender, sexual orientation, etc.

6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
This is going to sound crazy and cheesy, but something helping those who need others the most - small children/babies and animals. I feel like those groups are often taken advantage of because they are helpless and innocent.

7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
I'm not sure what this question means by what I'm 'doing'. If by doing it means a job, then yes. If it means by the way I'm living, then again yes.

8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
I would say I would do things younger - like marry and have children, but no. I still wouldn't do those things until I was ready. I honestly probably wouldn't waste as much time being lazy. Sad, but true.

9.  To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
After turning 18, I have controlled the direction I wanted to take. It's hard to answer this because I know that God ultimately controls the course. But I made the decision to go to college, to move away from home, the career to take on, a career change, you get the point. 

10.  Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
Simple answer here. I am more worried about doing the right things. 

Always call him daddy

I know it may seem random, but today I'm writing about dads, especially mine. Due to recent events, my dad, who passed away just over three years ago is on my mind more than usual.

When you search for the word dad in the dictionary, it will send you to look at the word father and you find the following: "a male parent; a man who exercises paternal care over other persons." If you attempt to search for the word daddy, you won't find anything. It will tell you the word is slang. But daddy is more than slang. 

From the time I was little until he passed away when I was 25, my father was always "daddy." He will always be daddy. If he lived until I was 80, I would call him daddy. A father is someone who is part of making a child; someone who shares DNA. A daddy is someone who takes you to a small town carnival where the rides break down, rides you around town in the back of his pick-up truck and holds you up in the ocean when the waves are too big.

The dictionary can't define the word "daddy" because it's an emotional word. It is defined by the actions of a man with his children. Jerry St.John was the definition of a daddy.

Me (age 4) & my daddy

A girl's relationship with her daddy changes as she becomes a woman, but to my daddy I was always that little blond haired girl. I truly believe when he looked at me, that's who he saw. I'll never forget the last time he hugged me. He was very weak and I told him to lift his arms and put them around me. He did. I can picture that moment like it was yesterday and it breaks my heart. But more than that, I can remember being silly with him, swimming in the ocean together, singing oldies in the car, and watching Lifetime movies (seriously). My daddy wasn't perfect and I'll be the first to admit it, but why remember him any other way? 

Vacation 2009

Do you know a man who defines the word "daddy"? Cherish him, tell him you love him and always call him daddy.

I am a SAHM

If you had asked me 10, even 5 years ago if I wanted to be a stay at home mom I would have no said no way. I always wanted to be a mom, but a working mom.

Soon into my pregnancy, I started to think what it would be like to be home with my little one. After talking to my husband, we both decided if it were possible when the time came, I would stay home. I didn't want a stranger taking care of my baby. Not to mention the cost of daycare is outrageous.

So, I'm a stay at home mom to an almost 4 month old (next week). Some of you know what I do because you do it too. Some of you don't. Being a stay at home mom means I spend 98% of my waking time with my son. That 2 percent is the occasional trip to the store alone or long shower. And you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way.

I wake up and go to sleep to this face. Be jealous.

I sleep when he lets me. I eat when he lets me. I often eat with one hand while doing something with him and my food gets cold. I wake up early, sneak a nap with him, wash bottles, do laundry, and talk a lot of baby talk. Sometimes I forget about the poor dog because I'm caught up with Cooper. Luckily, she reminds me when she has to go outside. I usually don't take a shower until my husband gets home from work because then I don't have to worry about baby needing me. Before becoming a mom, I was always a 10 minute shower girl. Now I take my sweet time and enjoy it. When he was first born, I always went to bed exactly when he did. Now after I put him down, I blog, I watch tv, I call my best friend, etc. It's my "me" time.

A stay at home mom's job isn't easy. But it's also the best job I have ever had. It's not for everybody, but it's for me. I would much rather spend my days playing in the floor, making bottles, and rocking my sweet boy than dressing up and going to an office. I prefer my sweats and drool stained t-shirts and he even likes my singing :)

A Q&A Friday

I'm still working on blogging more, updating my page, etc. I figured an easy way to post more is to link up with other bloggers. So today, I'm linking up with a new blog I discovered, "A Blonde Ambition". It's a Q&A for a series she does called "Confessional Friday." Enjoy! And yeah, I'm a day late.

1. My worst fashion offense of all time has to be wearing overalls with one strap unhooked. Although wearing the overalls at all was quite an offense if you ask me. 

2. The most embarrassing song on my iPod is probably I'm honestly not embarrassed by anything on my Ipod. I like such a wide variety but I'm not ashamed.

3. The last white lie I told was  "I'm fine." That's a classic.

4. The celebrity I most wish would disappear is Britney Spears. Why do people still care?

5. Sometimes I wish I was 10 years old again.

6. My childhood crush was J.T.T., as many others said, and most of the Backstreet Boys. I was one of those little girls with the BOP! posters all over my walls.

7. I've never turned down chocolate. If I did, there is something wrong.

8. Driving in bad weather of any kind makes me a nervous wreck.

9. I'd rather watch paint dry than go to the dentist.

10. Much like a train wreck, I can't turn away from watching Teen Mom. It's pure immature drama and I love it.

"I'll pray for you" Will you?

"I'll pray for you."

"I'll keep you in my thoughts & prayers."

These are two statements I hear quite often, read on facebook, in cards and e-mails. There are also words that frequently come out of my mouth.

A couple of years ago, I believe, I realized that it was almost instinct to say those words to someone. If someone I knew was having a hard time or personally asked for prayers, that is what I would say. I'm a christian and I very much believe in the power of prayer. But my question to myself was, was I praying for them? When I asked myself this, I realized sometimes I would tell someone that I would keep them in my prayers, then go about my day and simply forget about the request. I didn't mean to lie. My intent was to pray for them. It just happened sometimes.

At that moment, I decided whenever I said those words, I would immediately stop what I was doing, close my eyes and lift them in prayer. Because if I didn't do it right then, I may forget. I want others to know that I genuinely care and am asking God to be with them.

So, next time someone is going through a hard time and you say those words, make sure that is what you are truly going to do. And I promise to you that if I tell you that I am praying for you, I am doing it right then and there.

MAD about Mondays

As I am trying to broaden my blog horizons, I am going to be linking up with a friend on some weekly posts. The first one is her "Mad about Mondays" series. It is a weekly post that talks about things that make you mad, get under your skin and bother you to your very core.

For my first Mad about Mondays post, I want to tell you about something that has been making me cranky lately. Noise.

Now, I'm not just talking about regular noise. It's not a crying baby in a restaurant or a barking dog at night that's bothering me. Let me tell you about the noise that has been disrupting my life.

I live in a very small town. It's one of those towns that if you blink you miss it. I like it. It's quiet, for the most part. Right across the street from our house, there is a small pizzeria. It's a tiny building that used to be a little convenience store that I walked to when I was younger. I moved away from the area for a while so I have never had the food, but I hear it's good. But mostly what I hear is ridiculously loud live music every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday in my living room. We can also hear this music in our bedroom, in the nursery, my mom's bedroom...I think you get the point.

The music begins between 9 and 10 p.m. and goes on until midnight. I'm not opposed to live music that goes until midnight. Over the last 10 years I have been to plenty of loud concerts, but they were in cities and there were no neighborhoods anywhere nearby. I am, however, opposed to live music that goes until midnight in a small town surrounded by houses and apartments next door. I sit on my couch with my 3 month old and I hear "Woooo"; sounds only made by drunken patrons who are outside. I can hear rim shots and lyrics to songs that I was not aware existed.

My husband has called the police twice to complain of the noise and we received the message "We will send someone out." It went nowhere. So last week I took it upon myself to notify the Board of Supervisors and the Sheriff. The restaurant/bar has been given a warning according to the county noise ordinance. To me this means, next weekend they better be quiet or the sheriff will be hearing from me once again.

So that, my friends and readers, is what makes me mad. Loud, inappropriate noise.

Why I did what I said I wouldn't

If you've read my previous posts or you know me personally, you are aware that when my son was born he spent 5 days in the NICU. The worst 5 days of my life.

I know many people who put their babies and young children in their bed. They put them there for the child's comfort, for convenience when nursing, or just to have them close by. It quickly becomes a habit and then you have a 5 year in bed with you. Before having a child, before becoming pregnant, I walked around saying "I will not put my baby in my bed". "I do not want my child to sleep with me". I was also opposed because as a child, I slept with my mom because I was afraid of the dark.

About 2 weeks into his life, only home a week I would say, Cooper came into the bed with me. When I put him in his bassinet he would cry. For some reason it broke my heart. I would lay with him on the couch or in the living floor. I would do whatever I had to do for him to sleep and be next to me. Within a few weeks, I accepted that I needed my son beside me. So for the past 3 months that is where he has slept. I comfort him. I kiss him. I watch him breathe. I quickly respond to any sound he makes.

Why did I do what I always said I wouldn't?

I've come to the conclusion that it was that week in the NICU that changed my heart. No one can really understand. I wish they could. I know that Cooper was not in a horrible situation, but he was in a place where I had to visit my own son. So when I got him home, I wanted him close.

There are two reasons I wrote this blog this evening. Number one: I needed to get it out. Number two: Never say you won't do something because you may just do it.

Next time: Transitioning to the crib...

Mommy Survey, just for fun

1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED? Yes, very much so

2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME? Yep, 2 1/2 years

3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS?excitement, happiness, shock that it was real

4. WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU? No way.

5. HOW OLD WERE YOU? 28

6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT? I "knew" but I took a test

7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST? My husband

8. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX? definitely

9. DUE DATE? April 10, 2013

10. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS? Yes for at least 14 weeks straight and then more in the 3rd trimester.

11. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE?  everything! But I loved Pepsi

12. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST?lots of things, I was grouchy

13. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD'S SEX? Boy

14. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING?I wanted a girl at first but that went away pretty quickly

15. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY? too much :)

16. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER? yep

17. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW? I knew

18. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY? No just every ache, pain and bad symptom haha

19. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH? Bristol Regional Medical Center

20. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR? 14 from the time my water broke

21. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL? My mom drove, hubby was with us too of course

22. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH? Besides all the nurses & dr. and resident dr., my husband and mom

24. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN?Epidural

25. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH? 7lbs 9 oz

26. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN? April 2, 2013 at 9:15 p.m.

27. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER? Cooper Grant

28. HOW OLD IS YOUR FIRST BORN TODAY? 3 months

How long will it haunt me?

Four letters. NICU. Almost 3 months later, the thoughts and images still haunt me. When I have anxiety, I'm pretty sure it's because of those 5 horrible days.

My sweet Cooper was born on a Tuesday and as you may have read in my previous post, was sent to the NICU on Wednesday night. The really sad part is that nothing was ever truly wrong with him. The doctor told us on Thursday morning that he was almost positive that Cooper had a pseudo seizure because he was brain activity was perfect. It's not that I'm trying to re-live the moment, but it's on my mind and I have to write it down.

Anxiety. Pain. Heartbreak. Guilt.

When a woman becomes a mother, all you want to do is hold your sweet baby. The baby you just carried for approximately 9 or 10 months. You want to kiss him/her. You want to hold them tight. The day after my baby was born, he was taken from me. I had to walk into a somber place where all I could do was stare at him and touch his hand. Now don't get me wrong, there were very sick babies in the NICU. And my heart broke for those parents as well. But seeing your baby like that is not something I would wish on anyone.

Finally after 5 days in the NICU with perfectly good health, they let me take my baby home. Where he belonged. By that point, I was annoyed that they had kept him so long. I know they only wanted to make sure he was okay. I know they had good intentions.

My post partum depression has mostly left me. For that I am thankful. I do however still have some anxiety even with my medications. I guess it's just one of those things you will always remember.

I am letting go of my guilt.

My beautiful boy will be 3 months old next week and we are enjoying every minute.